Alone

All my life, I've never really felt as if I've ever truly belonged. I've always felt as if I was the odd man out when it came to most things. I was always picked last when it came to playing sports. I always had a real tough time making a tight nit group of friends. Honestly though, I was really just the guy people walked all over. You could say that growing up, my life was rather difficult. To this day, I still struggle from some of the issues that my childhood planted inside of me. Over the years, it seems as though I've gotten a little bit of a better handle in dealing with my past. Every once in a while though, my mood switches and I just shut down emotionally for a little while. It feels as if you're constantly gasping for air while simultaneously waiting for someone to come and rescue you. The only plot twist is that not a soul is even aware that you're struggling. That is the type of effect in which depression and loneliness can truly inspire.

To solve a problem, you must first realize that there is one. For a long time, I didn't think twice about how I felt. I just thought it was normal to feel like complete shit in my teenage years. Although most teenagers do tend to suffer from some sort of depression, I felt as if I could never be that guy. I came to realize that I could not have been more wrong. Now that I'm older, I realize that depression is no joke and it can stem from some of the smallest of things such as, being picked last repeatedly for years on end in dodge ball. I mean, I was a really good dodge ball player dammit. For real though, I was as swift as White Goodman and yes that was a Dodge Ball reference. 

All joking aside, I should be held as a prime example that there truly is hope for all of us. I was gone for a long time. I never thought I would ever escape that never ending hell of an existence. Day in and day out I progressively felt worse. Then one day, I just woke up. The storm had cleared and I could finally feel the sun on my face. I guess that really just exemplifies the idea that one day, you wake up and you just change. We all change. Whatever place I was in my head all those years ago is intertwined along in this poem. I hope you all can appreciate that. 

                                              “Alone”

My inner demons,

Have taken control,

They've changed me,

In more ways than one,

I stand alone,

Waiting for a reason to care,

Wondering what might have been,

It feels as though I’m slipping away,

Away from reality,

Up to this point,

Life has been an uphill battle,

It seems as though,

I never had a real say,

In what happened,

Or how it happened,

I've never felt so alone,

I’m scared of the future,

I can’t let go of the past,

The present always seem so bland,

How could I let it get to this,

I’m a mess,

I’m broken,

I’m alone.